Walls
by tinylexie
Summary: Lucius sometimes feel like the walls are closing in around him.


**Author's Note****: In my personal headcanon, a young Lucius was often locked in the dungeons beneath Malfoy Manor as punishment. That will be an important factor in this fic. And yes, this may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I kind of like the idea of Lucius appearing as stable on the outside while in the inside being slightly unstable.  
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Lucius really was glad when the Dark Lord fell for the first time. Lucius fully supported the Pureblood cause, of course, but he really had not been that fond of constantly putting his life at risk. He preferred to use methods beside warfare in order to accomplish his goals. The Dark Lord, however, had not given him much choice in the matter. Lucius, therefore, was glad when the Dark Lord fell for the first time.

That didn't mean that Lucius was happy, however. As much as he didn't like war, he also didn't like not having any purpose in his life. He loved his wife Narcissa dearly, and he really was excited about having the chance to finally be a father to his baby son Draco; but Lucius Malfoy had never been meant for a life that consisted only of going to work during the day and returning home at night to eat dinner with his family.

Not that Lucius didn't enjoy being with his family, because he did. But he needed something more than just that kind of life. He needed excitement in his life. He needed adventure in his life. He needed to be able to do something with his life that was worthwhile.

So, after both Narcissa and Draco had fallen asleep for the night, Lucius left the manor. He rarely went to the same place twice in a row. And sometimes he went out with no idea of where he was going. He just went somewhere. Sometimes the place was in the Wizarding World. Sometimes the place was in the Muggle world. Sometimes the place was filled with other people. Sometimes Lucius went somewhere where he could be completely alone.

Lucius really didn't care where he went. He just needed to go somewhere, anywhere. He had no love for Malfoy Manor, a place where he had often been tortured and caged as a boy. He loved the darkness, but he preferred to be outside. He had no love for closed walls. He hated feeling like the walls were closing in around him. That was why he couldn't stand being in Malfoy Manor for too long.

* * *

><p>The worse part of Azkaban was not the coldness, the darkness, or even the loneliness. As much as Lucius loved Narcissa and Draco, he really did love having time to himself every now and then. And he was more than use to the coldness and the darkness. He had gotten plenty of experience with those two things as a boy.<p>

No, the worse part of Azkaban was the walls. And the locked door to his cell that he couldn't open. Lucius really wished that he had his wand. He really _needed_ his wand.

Lucius hated not being able to go out. He hated being inside all the time. He wanted out. He _needed_ out. If he wasn't let out soon, he would go mad.

And was it just a trick of his mind, or was his cell becoming smaller and smaller with each passing moment? Were the walls moving? Were the walls moving closer towards him?

* * *

><p>At first, Lucius felt a sense of relief when he first saw the Dark Lord, even though he knew that the Dark Lord was probably still angry with him over his failure at the Department of Mysteries.<p>

Despite that fact, however, the first thing that came to Lucius's mind when he first saw the Dark Lord was that he finally was going to be allowed outside. _Anywhere_ would be better than his cell. Anywhere would be better than the _walls_ of his cell.

* * *

><p>Any relief that Lucius might have initially felt when he had first saw the Dark Lord, however, quickly faded. It was bad enough that Lucius was living in constant dread that the Dark Lord might decide at any moment to torture or kill him, his wife, andor his son.

But the whole situation was made even worse by the fact that the Dark Lord had made it clear that Lucius was not allowed to leave Malfoy Manor for any reason.

It was true that Malfoy Manor was much bigger and much nicer than Lucius's cell at Azkaban had been, but even big buildings had walls. And the walls were slowly beginning to close in around him. So much for the _liberty_ that the Dark Lord had given him by breaking him out of Azkaban. Lucius couldn't see any liberty in his current situation.

* * *

><p>Lucius really was relieved that he, his wife, and his son all escaped imprisonment at Azkaban after the Dark Lord fell for the second and final time. It was nice to finally be free, free of threats, free of servitude.<p>

But Lucius didn't feel free. He needed to go outside before he could finally feel free.

So, after both Narcissa and Draco had fallen asleep for the night, Lucius left the manor.

Lucius always went with no clear destination in mind. He really didn't care where he went. He just needed to go somewhere, anywhere.

But what was he going to do with his life now? He had lost any power, influence, or respect he might have once had. He no longer had any grand plans for his life.

What did he have? Well, he did have Narcissa and Draco, alive and healthy.

And he supposed that he also had his liberty. But did he really?

Lucius didn't feel like he was free, like he had his liberty. When he was asleep, he often heard his father and/or the Dark Lord in his head, speaking cruel, mocking words of torment. He sometimes dreamed about the torture that he had suffered at their hands.

He often dreamed of chains, locked doors, and _walls_.

And being outside was no longer enough to calm him, to soothe him. Even away from the sight of any walls, Lucius could not feel any relief, any peace. He sometimes felt like the shadows were chasing him, and there was no escape from those shadows, no matter where he went.

It didn't matter if he was inside or outside. It didn't matter if it was day or night. Lucius just couldn't find any true peace anywhere in his life. Even Narcissa was only a temporary source of comfort. Lucius could find no rest. He could not bring himself to relax, not even for a moment.

Lucius was constantly surrounded by walls. Sometimes they were visible. Sometimes they were invisible. But they were always there.

And they were always closing in around him.


End file.
